Once again bowing to the pressures of our numerous Uthiopian fan clubs in Sekela, Gojjam (thanks for all the likes Afewerk Wondemagegn Haile-Ghiorghis!), Uthiopia wishes to present a few of our most popular posts in Gojjam and Illubabor.

First, a link to our first six month round-up, which contains such classics as the true story of Kaldi and the Dancing Goats as well as Confessions of an English Chatt Eater and all of the secrets of the Language of the Birds, as well as the Abyssinian Dreamscapes of the photographer Nicolas Henri.

 

But also:

 

Members only: the untold condom story, or how the origin of an Ethiopian condom stretches the imagination.

Aytewekem, or how not to get served a beer in a certain beer hall.

The North Koreans’ stealth attempt at stealing the Abyssinian unicorn (and you thought we only had to worry about thermonuclear war?!)

Kebele, or the revolution’s only child?

My Kingdom for a mule: pictures of Equus’ foray into mule territory in Menz

Play the Piano like an Ethiopian: a very secret post about the secret sect of Ethiophiles.

A Shibboleth on the Barbary Coast, or how spelling mistakes spread from Israel to Ethiopia.

Mafaqia: give me a lever and a fulcrum and I shall open your mouth.

 

 

 

 

Gibbi
ግቢ

Wandering the chess board Addis Ababa maze, you perceive a constant staccato over the city din, and witness people waiting everywhere in patient shuffling lines. Train your ear and you and you hear the nervous pitter patter of open fingers brushing the surface: the maid is late. Rasping knocks delivered by clenched fists: righteous people who have appointments and business to keep. The sharp report of a pebble, or the point of a key, beating the tin: people who would like to be let in but are not quite sure; bursts of open handed beatings which sway the door on its hinges: people who feel they should be inside but have been left outside. And everywhere people wait in corridors to be beckoned in by appointed ‘line managers’ who can make or break your day.

For the door is not just a door, it is a gateway to the compound and the compound, or ግቢ (gibbi), is the inner sanctum – The gibbi originally having been the inner court of royalty, where only the very favored were allowed to see the face of the King of Kings. And so it is that in the modern city, so much time is taken up by waiting to be ushered in to the modern version of the gibbi, be it a dusty office corner or a modest tin shack broom space. It is the proper way to conduct business: for if all doors were flung open, then who would want to be inside? The inner sanctum would become a public thoroughfare, an open gateway though which all and sundry would pass. For there to be an inside in which to penetrate, there first must be an outside, the city’s inhabitants tell us – and it is truly the Ethiopian for whom his home – or office space! – is his castle.

 

 

 

Kebele Blues

The revolution of 1974 brought down a two thousand year palace and erected in its stead the kebele. By the people, and for the people, the kebele office is to this day the smallest administrative unit in the city. It delivers official papers, sells goods below market price, flies a flag and, sometimes, boasts a taekwondo club. Back in 74, when the balabat – or owners – were the enemy, and tomorrows were full of singing sunrises and bumper teff harvests, the management of all rental houses below the price of a hundred birr was signed over to this embodiment of the proletariat. And to this day, when it’s difficult to get even a humble coffee for less than three birr, kebeles rake in the tremendous sums of ten, twelve birr in monthly rent, from poor but fortunate tenants.

In these more enlightened times, when to enrich oneself is glorious, and the proletariat is a distant memory best kept alive in Soviet Union posters and their Derg era carbon copies, the kebele is a place where you can escape Starbucks look-alikes. The coffee still only costs a couple of birr, the kai wot is very red and the underpaid waiting staff drag their feet to bring you the cheep tapped beer.

Ah, bliss: no happy smiles, no canned musak; but the earnest voice of ETV, reverberating around a dimly lit hall. Aster’s lyrics spool out for the twentieth time of the day as ancient gentlemen sporting flat caps of the kind last seen in Workers’ Clubs in the UK in the seventies count their sixty five cents change. A cent after all is a cent! Outside, the city is a riot, with a new establishment popping up every minute – cocktail bars, meat only restaurants and gym halls where you can lose weight and gain gravitas watching CNN. But in the kebele, the light remains dim and the prices the same. Who would have thought that the revolution’s child would become a bastion of conservatism?

 

A lot of things can be lost in translation, and the tables turned on you before you know it. And when we talk of lost in translation, we can even look at what seem strictly direct translations for some pretty universal objects, such as a table or a chair. A table is a table is a table one would like to think, and after all, what difference is there between a table, une chaise (in French) or ጠረጴዛ (terapeza)?

We all agree on a common definition of table as being a flat surface raised on a number of legs that can be used for a variety of purposes. But do we really? After all, the French see a table as a paramount place to meet between eating companions – the notion of which is beautifully rendered in Amharic by ባልንጀራ! (balinjera) – and this gives the word an echo in French that it doesn’t quite have in English or in Amharic. Indeed, if one can today meet one’s balinjeras around a table, not so long ago one would have done so nearly only around a messob, or round wicker table-basket. Different angles and points of view to one same object it could be said.

One of Napier’s soldiers, on the expedition that would ultimately storm emperor Theodoros’s mountain top redoubt in Magdala, bitterly told his relatives in a letter sent back home from Ethiopia “they tell us this is a table mountain land… well, that it may be, but in that case it is a table mountain turned upside down and we keep going up and down the legs, over and over again!” The tables have been turned on us: same words, different perspectives.

 

 

 

 Life is a piece of rubber. Just like one of those little elastic bands you can buy in a ‘Gurague souk’ for a couple of centimes. Elastic and fantastic, life is forever expanding and contracting into the weirdest places.

But let me tell you about Phil Harvey. Phil Harvey runs a business called ‘Adam and Eve’ that operates out of a warehouse in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. ‘Adam and Eve’ is the world’s biggest catalogue of all things kinky that the Americans buy to spice up their private lives. Anything you may want to imagine, or may not want to imagine, is on the catalogue. You order it, put in a payment and three weeks later an innocuous looking package arrives on your doorstep. This very profitable business earns Phil Harvey millions of dollars.

But Harvey had other ideas: why not apply marketing to family planning as well he thought? Push contraceptives on the market as if they were Coca-Cola or chewing-gum. Make the product attractive, ‘sexy;’ transform it into an article of fashion. In short, no more boring posters warning of the dangers of unprotected sex but flashy pictures and funny tongue in cheek adverts which would appeal to young people – ‘Members only…’ is the current one in Addis

And that is how ‘DKT’ – the NGO founded on the profits of ‘Adam and Eve’- became the first provider of  ኮንዶም (condoms) in a number of countries, of which Ethiopia.

But maybe you think you don’t know ‘DKT’? But I’ll vouch that all of the readers of this column know ‘Sensation,’ which is the brand name of the condoms marketed by ‘DKT’ in Ethiopia. A packet of ‘Sensation’ costs just three birr. A price anyone can afford. Somewhere out in Texas an American’s mail order made that price possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As I drove down from Arat Kilo to Ambassador last week, by way of the short-cut of ‘Aroge Kera,’ I witnessed first-hand the profound changes under way throughout old Addis Ababa. The unkempt  neighbourhood underneath Arat Kilo and the palace – a dishevelled mess of mud, sticks and tin and round boulders and little red lights hanging in narrow doorways, is no more – a bald wasteland lies in its place, already punctuated by the spiky high rises that seem to define the new style of the city with its straight combed avenues.  Mud and stick wall elements still rise here and there, with yellowing newspaper wallpaper and wrinkled photographs that wouldn’t come unstuck from the mud. This neighbourhood had grown up wild around the palace’s perimeter and its mud and stick shacks were amongst the oldest houses in Addis Ababa. Little more than an urban midden run wild perhaps, and certainly a mess in need of some trimming,  nevertheless, I felt a sense of loss as the old neighbourhood faded away in my rear mirror.

Here are a few words about a barber’s I used to go to at the top of the area, near the taxi stand for Mexico Square.  The barber was called Setota – which can be translated as present, or gift, in Amharic. Now that his cupboard sized hairdresser salon has been shorn away, only memories remain, which soon like so much snipped hair, will be swept into the rubbish, as the shape of the city that was shimmers in the mirrors and fog of our memories, a map of ever more blurred contours.

Smoke and Mirrors at the Barber’s in Arat Kilo

“If the mirrors of the Tsegur Betoch – hairdressers – of Addis Ababa could talk, they would tell of the marvellous anecdotes they had witnessed. They reflect daily on white lies, tall stories and bizarre confessions.

At ‘Tasaw’s salon,’ where Ato Setota the barber works, there are mirrors on either side of the room. These mirrors have seen students, anxious before a first date, stressed office workers in for an after work shave and wheezing traffic policemen, stopping to get a trim after a day of whistle blowing.

 

Ato Setota the hairdresser is himself meticulously groomed and as reserved as an English – should I say Abyssinian? – butler. His own crown is shiny and in no need of scissors, and when the young men whose hair he cuts move out of the chair, he stands on tiptoe to brush their shoulders.

 

A snippet from the scissors, a whir and burr from the electric clippers, and worries fall to the ground like so much shorn hair – ‘She is insisting on seeing me’ – ‘The minister only trusts me with this report.’ The customers deliver their tall tales to the men in white, eyes locked on themselves, in the mirror of tall tales.

 

The hairdressers, in their white smocks, have heard it all before. Their ears are even more dexterous than their fingers, and they never look in the mirror to see the truth – it’s against their work ethic. Ears agog, they egg on and corroborate. The hairdressers of the Tsegur Betoch of Addis Ababa are like mirrors: they reflect and judge not. Ato Setota and his brethren, in countless little parlours over town, keep people’s hair and worries under control. The salons are sometimes little bigger than shoe boxes, but they always have a mirror of tall tales, which expands the tiny salons and make them bigger than life. It’s the barbers’ daily present to the city.”

 

 

 

 

 

I went to have a beer the other day, at a brewery that has just been sold to an international conglomerate. A fact one can’t fail to notice from the notices on hand at the gate informing you of the ‘Number of days without accidents at the brewery’ – it was a quite high number too – followed up by more notices all around the drinking hall, informing punters to ‘drink responsibly,’ and that ‘under 18s are not allowed to drink’ – heavens! What next in Ethiopia? Breath analyzers?!

 

My, my, my… responsibility (modernity) comes to Ethiopia I thought, as I finally managed to get the eye of a waitress and ordered a beer. ‘There isn’t any’ she said, yellem  – the most common answer in any bar in Ethiopia, including upmarket ones. So far so good, I thought, we’re back in familiar territory. In all honesty, I should point out that the guards at the entrance to the park had informed us of this beer yelem situation before issuing us tickets. But I thought, this is a brewery, of course they’ll have a couple of bottled beer on hand. But no, yelem is yelem is yelem.

But how could a brewery run out of beer? I asked. When the answer came, among the health and security warnings that surrounded us, it was so quintessentially Ethiopian that I felt immediately refreshed – ‘አይታወቅም’ the waitress demurely told me (Aytawekem or, ‘It is not known’)

 

This answer fits every purpose imaginable, from knowing – or rather not knowing – if it shall rain or shine tomorrow, or if the bank manager you’ve been trying to reach for days will come back next week – or ever for that matter. This It-Is-Not-Known is both a barricade against despotism (you can always invoke the But-I-Didn’t-Say-Anything-Defense) in a hierarchical society, and also a surrender to higher fates – for who really knows anything except for Him?! How long this answer will pass muster in a rapidly developing and more open and modern Ethiopia (one where the health warnings are written on the wall) is anybody’s guess. Still, I would recommend the brewery. It’s a lovely place. But I can’t tell you if you can drink a beer or not. It is not known.

 

A French friend of mine recently went to the dentist’s for a check-up and was advised to not only brush but also ‘floss’ his teeth. Now flossing is something that my French friend sees as being quintessentially American. The French see dental floss as somewhat of an oddity, something bizarre that overly obsessed Americans indulge in. Nevertheless, doctor’s orders, my friend went in search of dental floss on the streets of Addis Ababa.

Now, roaming from pharmacy to pharmacy, my friend could not find floss anywhere – and when he finally did, it was in one of the grandest hotels of the town and the price of a piece of waxed string set him back considerably. Not being able to wait, he tried it out in the bathroom of the hotel, laboriously winding the string around his fingers until they swelled up with this improvised tourniquet. It was all a little impossible and he ended up having to ask the concierge to untangle him from his waxed thread. Quite humiliating and not efficient at all – besides being very expensive. The concierge beamed mockingly at him – with beautiful white teeth.

It was only the next day, and walking through overcrowded Mexico Square that my friend finally understood that beautiful white smile. He bought a መፋቂያ (mefaqia) – a wooden ‘toothbrush’- from a street vendor for 50 cents and he has not looked back since. Cheap, efficient, locally made – and it does not make you look like an idiot in public.

 

A shibboleth, is both a manner of speech by which  groups of people can be distinguished from one another, and a custom, or particular more to which people become inordinately attached. Look for example at the distinction between ‘was’ and ‘were’ in English – as in ‘I wish I was dark haired…’ The few people left today who would point out that you should really say ‘I wish I were dark haired (more beautiful, richer), say they are standing for ‘good language/grammar,’ but language moves with the times, and what these good people standing for good language are doing really, is calling upon a shibboleth known to them, which distinguishes a correct from a barbaric use of the language – But I for one, have always wished I was a better Amharic speaker (and had beautiful black hair!)!

A ‘barbery’ is, if I am to believe the numerous English shop signs I see while coasting the thoroughfares of Addis Ababa, a place where you get your hair cut and your whiskers trimmed. And why not call the ‘proper’ English  barber a barbery? We after all go to the grocery for our vegetables, after having bought a fresh roll at the bakery so why not, indeed, a barbery?

A barber or hairdresser – ጸጉር : አስተካካይ (tsegur astekakai) – works in a ጸጉር : በት (tsegur bet) (which I am tempted to say translates as ‘a house of hair’ but which can be rendered perhaps less hairyly by ‘hair house,’ that is to say a place where they trim your beard or  ጺም (tsim) and crop your ጸጉር. And trim and snip your beard and hair the ጸጉር: አስተካካይ do – but rather than trim the moniker of their profession (barber), they have, quite naturally, chosen to render it into the bouffant – and conform to rule! – barbery.

This truly barbarous use of English makes sense, and even if the origin of the word barber (from the French barbe – or beard) is in no way related to the word barbarian (from the Greek, and relating to anyone incapable of speaking their language) one would feel justified in saying that the hair dresser’s of Addis have turned the exception on its (hairy) head and made good use of an English rule, barber seeming to be little more than a shibboleth in this day and age when you can buy your groceries not at the local grocery but on the global internet.

Interestingly, the nature of a grocery itself is a beautiful Addis Ababa shibboleth and will enable anyone to be tested on how well he/she knows his/her capital. What’s a grocery? A place where you buy some groceries (milk, cheese, a loaf of bread)? Perhaps in New York and Colchester, but inexplicably and locally, a grocery in Addis Ababa is a place to go and enjoy spirits with your friends. So next time somebody says I wish I was (were?!) sitting in a grocery right now, perhaps you’ll understand we are not talking of buying tomatoes but rather downing some shots.

Deutsche Welle this week invited several strangers inhabiting strange lands (geographical or linguistical) to share their experience of being in several places and various languages at once:

* An Algerian thinking in/of Russian

* A Chadian talking about Arabic

* A Russian/Benin women just at ease in French, English and Russian

and…

* A ‘Franco-British transplant in Ethiopia…’ (at minute 13 for those of you in a hurry, and IN FRENCH only for those of you not that way inclined).

You can listen to the whole podcast ‘L’apprentissage des langues, un richesse, un défi.’

Our Stranger in Ethiopia pedantically mentions the German sociologist Georg Simmel and his concept of the stranger (first used in his 1908 essay “Exkurs über den Fremden”), as being ‘in the group, but not of the group.’ You can read more about that idea here and here.

Two more uses for the multipurpose gabi ( you can read our first post on the gabi here):

 

I am shadow

 

 

You can do Chinese theatre with it (they then call it Abyssinian shadows). This was a very estimated art form in 18th century Gondar. To quote a few of the classics:

 

“Zara Yacob’s bewitching”

“Prester John and the Portuguese meddlers ” (this is the one seen by Tintin of course (in Tintin in Ethiopia ) in Mentewab’s palace)

and

“Intrigue on Daq island” (a favourite of mine, that last one)

 

No evil eye will ever prey on me

 

You can use it as a hiding place when all else fails and the world is a too cruel place to contemplate (and it keeps you from the evil eye too!).

An Uthiopian horsescape by Nicolas Henry

 

We have now been sending dispatches from Uthiopia for six months!

 

Upon general demand from Gojjam (the official headquarters of Uthiopia) we are happily putting some links to our most read dispatches in Sekela, Gojjam:

 

More Uthiopian pictures by Nicolas Henry

 

Dreamlike pictures of the Uthiopian/Ethiopian landscape

 

Fat tailed sheep and tall tales

 

Why is Ethiopia Uthiopian? What makes Uthiopia Ethiopian? The historical and literary background.

 

Kaldi put to the test

 

How was coffee really first found and put to use? This brew of contention looks at the goatish background of coffee.

 

Out of Ethiopia

 

Ethiopia, a sad desolate place of famines and poverty? Not so, argues our post here, pointing to the beauty of the country and its great horse tradition.

 

Yelidg mazeya

 

Why do people discard things that work and are local for things that don’t work, and are expensive? This dispatch seeks to find some answers to urban Ethiopians’ choice of the expensive and cumbersome ‘baby carrier’  over the cloth wrap, or mazeya.

 

Sirti at the crossroads

 

A look at evolving horse markets, and Ethiopian small towns.

 

Language of the birds

 

An Ethiopian secret language only for initiates – and no, we’re not just talking about Amharic.

 

Yelunta

 

One of Ethiopia’s most mysterious psychological driving forces.

 

 

Confessions of an English chatt eater

 

Can I have a chat with you?

 

Ethiopian horsescapes

 

Beautiful pictures taken at the Equus stables by Sylvie Tubiana

 

Amharic language resources 

 

All you need to learn Amharic

 

Tintin in Ethiopia

 

A much overlooked classic.

 

The Zara Yacob Trail

 

A new trek in Ethiopia, for horses, walkers and bikers

 

Gursha

 

Ethiopian finger cutlery and how to do it.

 

 

Much more than just a blanket

 

There is no one size fits all blanket definition for the gabi.

One could say that it is a tightly woven cotton spread of a large size, and that when folded several times it still has a surface of at least 2 square meters. It is generally white in color – and the whiter the better – although yellow-brown hues are not unknown, especially in the heartlands where people wear them to work, and green ones seem favored in some parts of Gojjam, especially in Agaw areas.

They can be monochrome but often bear bands of colour, with the edge – or terz – bearing woven designs of gold, silver, and red. The borders carry little tassels that church goers sometimes absentmindedly roll in their fingers, like prayer beads. In plain English, the gabi is a wrap around blanket. But in convoluted and mountainous Ethiopia, the gabi’s simple design offers manifold uses. First and foremost, it is a badge of recognition that covers the whole body, a fashion statement easily accessible to all (the rich old ladies in sparkling white and gilded gold edges, the poor in washed out yellowing linens, all accede to a certain aristocracy once wrapped in a gabi). But the gabi is also:

 

• A symbol of eternal Ethiopia
• A fashion statement of today’s Ethiopia
• A sign of modesty/wholesomeness
A cot for a baby
• A pillow
• A raincoat
• A sleeping bag
• A mattress
• A bag
• A hiding place for lovers to meet, a kind of intimate tent
• A shroud for the deceased
• A gladiatorial fighting tool like the net brandished by the fighters of ancient Rome
• A place from where to watch satellite TV on cold nights
• A screen to eat behind (preventing the evil eye from entering your mouth)

 

I remember once seeing a flock – and from afar they did indeed look like a flock of snow white sheep – of country folk coming back from a funeral near Sekela, Gojjam. Their white shapes stood out in sharp contrast to the green grasses and gave the procession a regal air. On another occasion, on the annual pilgrimage to Itisa Maryam, the faithful slept cocoon like, scattered all around Tekle Haymanot’s birthplace, until the morning when they emerged from their white cocoons like butterflies.

The gabi, well worn, endows its bearer with the grace of a Roman senator. The fall of its folds – once the subject of great debate in Axum and Gondar – tells us of the regional origin of its wearer, their age and political leanings. Today, in Addis Ababa, Nike and fake Hermes shawls are leaving the gabi out in the cold, and the global cultural blanket seems to be descending on the hills of Ethiopia, like some gaudy shroud.

But the gabi fights back, as new designs appear and people seek refuge in its comforting folds – and young church goers wear it above their Levis and tank tops. And so, let me attempt a blanket definition for today’s multipurpose gabi:

“ Gabi, a noun, a manifold wrap that now serves as a cultural comfort blanket.”

 

At ‘Lagar,’ Addis Ababa, you can see the perfect copy of a provincial French train station –say Saint Rafael, or perhaps Rivesaltes. Above the building, the flags flap gaily in the wind, but the doors are boarded up and closed. On the deserted platform, the clock is stopped at 8.46. The signs ordering the stray goats and absconding children to queue up for tickets that are no longer for sale are written in French and Amharic.

 

Not a king size bed

 

The train of imperialism reached its final destination, and pulled in at the dust heap of history, quite some time ago; at 8.36 am, on the 11th o f September 1974, to read history’s timetable and was driven off in a Volkswagen beetle, of a maroon color, to be as punctilious as a French train. But in ‘Lagar,’ you can lie your head on the emperor’s pillow, in the emperor’s sleeping car, and dream the dreams of past grandeur and short men.

Nothing better symbolizes the passing of an era than the brass plate sign on the switch to beckon servants, besides the emperor’s bed. It reads Ashkar, a name that could denote ‘servant,’ ‘vassal’ or ‘retainer,’ and that came to be accepted as meaning ‘an inferior.’ A word one no longer uses in Ethiopia (you can read about an ashkar from Menelik’s times here). I pressed the button: smiling Woizero D, who had showed me around, murmured ‘abet?’ or, ‘yes?’ Old habits die hard. Then again, I was probably daydreaming. In Lagar, Addis Ababa, rooted to its rails, the imperial train is on time, once every day.

 

Ashkar switch

 

Where? At ‘Lagar,’ an Amharic pronunciation for the the French ‘la gare.’ At the bottom of Churchill Avenue. Opening hours uncertain but train always on time.

 

The two photographs of the emperor’s pint sized bed were kindly sent to me by Hugues Fontaine, a writer, photographer and film maker, currently working on a book about the Jibuti-Addis Ababa railway line.

 

 

 

 

 

How is it that culture so often seems to sit firmly in the driving seat? How else to explain the vast disparity between the number of accidents in Great Britain and France for example? For France, with a lower park of vehicles and less congested roads has, the last time I checked, double the amount of deaths on its roads. These two countries have the ‘same’ roads, the same brands of cars, and yet.

The American anthropologist Clifford Geertz, a great proponent of the interpretative school of anthropology, in which cultural exchanges and signs are seen as symbolizing deeper meanings, wrote a celebrated essay on Deep Play: The Balinese Cock Fight, in which he dissected the multiple layers of meaning inside the cock fighting ring. Who bets against whom? Why? What is the deeper hidden meaning of these fights for the society at large? You can download a pdf version of his essay on the Balinese cock fight here, another on his interpretative anthropology here. For a critical look at his though, you can visit the following forum on anthropology called Savage Minds.

It sometimes seems that driving abilities, car crash numbers and the ‘flamboyance’ of driving styles are directly correlated with Max Weber’s studies  of the link between Protestantism and Catholicism, with a vast arc of decreasing driving abilities – and weaker economies – flowing from the northern Scandinavian, Germanic and Anglo-Saxon sphere (all Protestant), all to way to the more relaxed PIGS (Portugal, Italy, Greece and Spain) which are all Catholic of course – and recklessly drive bright red Ferraris all the way to oblivion.

A cliché? Perhaps. But all the same, I’d like to take you for a little ride, a tongue in cheek trip through modern Ethiopia.  All you need to do is board a blue minibus and all you need to know is የት ነው? (Yet no? Where are you going?) ወራጅ! (Weradj! Let me off here!) ስንት ነው ? (Sint no? How much is it?) and መልስ ሰጠኝ! (Mels setegn! My change, please!). A blue minibus is a fixture of Addis Ababa. As Ethiopian as injera. You can find them everywhere – except when you desperately need one – and nearly everybody uses them. And like injera, minibuses often have holes in their bodywork – and leave a tangy taste on the tongue.

For just like injera is sometimes explained to foreigners as ‘being our culture’ by Ethiopians, so minibuses encapsulate the mores and – changing – traditions of the culture. The part represents the whole. To board and travel a minibus for a few minutes is to take a crash course both in the modern and ‘the Abyssinia of Auld  Days’ mores. And crash course is sometimes an all too literal meaning.

But just consider for a moment your typical minibus journey (let’s say from Arat Kilo to Mexico):

The ability to squash up against one and another while keeping aloof; the fact that people sitting on the back bench where four passengers get crammed in against each other will invariably twist their knees into impossible positions in order to enable late comers to squeeze past them to sit on the far side, by the window – the most uncomfortable seat in the bus. Or the fact that passengers, especially women, will always shy away from sitting on the side of the vehicle that happens to be exposed to the sun at the time – lest it damage their complexion. The painstaking politeness invariably showed by passengers to each other while nearly sitting on each other’s knee is a well known characteristic of the Ethiopian minibus. The exquisite attention given to pregnant women and the elderly alike.

This ballet of high flying etiquette and protocol is being carried out inside the tightest shell possible and sometimes seems to be like a symbol of the country itself. There are the beggars who mob the taxi’s doors of course to be considered – I myself suspect they pay their dues in the form of a percentage of their earnings to the taxi drivers’ associations, but this is just a suspicion. And where else would you see people giving beggars a 25 cent coin – only to pause and take their change back (in the form of one 10 cent pieces, and one 5 cent piece)?!

The painstaking politeness invariably showed by passengers to each other while nearly sitting on each other’s knee is a well known characteristic of the Ethiopian minibus.

Then there is the ወያላ (weyala), most often scrupulously honest , who gives you back your cents to the cent – and the fact that he would prefer you not call him that, but instead a ረዳት (redat) – or assistant (2 birr 70 cents on the Arat Kilo Mexico route – 30 cents back for your 3 birr). In the Ethiopia as minibus, never call a spade a spade, or a ወያላ a ወያላ. This is a general rule to be applied at all times and to be disregarded at your peril.

In the Ethiopia as minibus, never call a spade a spade, or a ወያላ a ወያላ.

The person not to be called a ወያላ often gets into verbal fisticuffs with a whole coterie of disreputable characters who ‘organize’ taxi stands. These unsavory characters – I am not sure what the name given to them is but I am sure that you are most certainly not supposed to use it! – flag down minibuses, get into fights with the ወያላ and the drivers, shut doors in the face of passengers and use foul language. For this hassle and causing this trouble, they get to levy a fee whose byzantine system not even Ethiopians I have asked could fathom. Again, you see here at work a general Ethiopia as minibus principle: always involve more people than needed in any field of work: if you can, make it arcane, and create added unnecessary costs.

 If you can, make it arcane, and create added unnecessary costs.

Still, the ወያላ use these disreputable controllers, to call out destinations in their place and channel passengers into the right vehicles. I do not quite know if they use them in this way because 1. they don’t have a choice (the minibus traffic controllers have to pretend to have a use and thus impose on the drivers  and ወያላ the use of their crying services, or 2. the ወያላ actually like this as it both gives them a break and the opportunity to torment these hapless layabouts who are even lower on the pecking order than they are. And there you have another essential element of the minibus – and the Ethiopian – sphere: each person should have one competence which is defined as sharply as possible and from which s/he will not stray and of which s/he will suffer no invasion. Could one person in fact multi-task and have several skills? God forbid that the question be asked.

Each person should have one competence which is defined as sharply as possible and from which s/he will not stray and of which s/he will suffer no invasion.

The passengers of the minibus are a motley crew, but they are good fellow passengers and do not complain. In the front seat sit two prim young Bole Belles. They chatter together, between two phone calls on their iphones, in a créole of Amharic and globish. They ride high, on high expectations and perhaps a little caffeine from Kaldi’s, and so do their miniskirts. In the back seats, an Orthodox priest (just back from a visit to the Abun in Arat Kilo), sits contentedly next to a Muslim merchant en route to his shop in Senga Terra. Their thighs touch and they are relaxed, on their common voyage. Behind them, perched nervously on his seat, a young man in a shiny costume and thin tie talks energetically into his phone, making sure everybody knows his status and power to give orders. An old lady in elaborate white robes sits next to him, and is too polite to say but nevertheless manages to make clear what she things of this young whipper snapper and his phone manners with an ever so slight moue on her composed face. A farmer in the capital to welcome his successful brother back from America wears a felt hat, heavy blue cloth trousers, a jacket of the same material and heavy lines on his hands and face too. His wife has bright red spots on her cheeks where the high altitude sun has burnt her working in the fields and she has spicy butter in her hair. Out of 12 seats, 8 are filled with youngsters, eager and bright eyed. A mobile phone, nice clothes and a job is what they’re after – they still cross themselves passing a church, but quickly revert to fingering their device. The fully covered amiably talk with their scantily dressed friend. The traditional tattoes sit – for ever, but with a light touch, on faces turned toward tomorrow. The priest brushes a crumb off his robes, the Muslim merchant next to him rearranges himself to give the priest more space; the Bole Belles continue to chat on their phones, and the farmer’s wife to embalm the air with her fragrant butter. In the minibus, modernity and ’2 000 years of history’ rub shoulders, and maybe elbow each other a little too. On the back seat – where four people are leveraged in – the young boys eye the girls, the girls do the same – but without ever letting on – and minibus Ethiopia rolls on.

The passengers of the  minibus are a motley crew, but they are good fellow passengers and do not complain.

But what of the driver himself? The driver these days wears a seat belt, as a sop to security. But wait! Look closely at it and you quickly discover that half of them wear ‘fake’ belts that they drape across their chests like an idle medal to their driving skills – they don’t actually fasten them. And if the drivers are now required to wear a belt, the same is not true of the two hapless passengers riding shotgun with him. Why not? It is not known why not, and if you ask the driver the question, he will wearily hang his head and answer that it is so, has always been so, and… but you get the idea – I slyly suggested to a couple of drivers this was a law enacted long ago, at the height of the Axum empire, but honesty obliges me to say they shied away from this extravagance, adding that it was perhaps ‘only since Emperor Menelik’s times.’

It is so, has always been so, and… but you get the idea

This – brand new – law, requiring all drivers to wear a seatbelt, but not their shotgun passengers, for reasons that are unfathomable, and the fact that half (or more) of drivers are playing at using a belt (a fact which of course all traffic policemen know, although they will only stop the drivers for non compliance if they stop playing at using a belt, eschewing it completely) is another characteristic trait of the Ethiopian minibus: always respect laws and conventions outwardly. The form, not the essence, is essential.

Always respect laws and conventions outwardly. The form, not the essence, is essential

The driver, if he uses his belt as a sash of honor, does pay a lot more attention to another matter of utmost interest. I am talking of the necessary disabling of the front seat window’s handle. God forbid that it be opened! ‘The draft will kill me!’ explodes the driver irrationally, when you ask him to open it (taking his eyes off the road for a full twenty seconds to tell you this, he even forgets, in his righteous fury, the bottle of coke he cradles between his knees and the mobile phone he has hidden in his left hand and was shouting into and the chatt he was fingering in his trouser pocket – all at the same time). In fact, if you want a safe ride, there is a very simple rule to apply: choose an old man. They are closer to death and thus value their lives – and those of their passengers – much more. The 18 year olds invariably cut other vehicles off, otherwise bully their way through traffic – then get into fights when the same is done to them.

‘The draft will kill me!’ explodes the driver irrationally

In fact, the profession should only be open to women and old men. This simple measure would bring down the accident ratio by 80 %. In this opposition, between exquisite politeness on the inside and ruthless aggression, or at least disregard on the outside – to other drivers, to pedestrians – there is much to be seen, as this sort of ruthless selfishness to others was a trait that Donald Levine, in his famed Wax and Gold, thought he had picked up in Ethiopia, and analyzed at great length in Menz.

 Exquisite politeness on the inside and ruthless aggression, or at least disregard on the outside

But, ah, the accidents. Let’s leave aside here the horrendous crashes that are a daily occurrence on Ethiopia’s beautiful new highways, to concentrate on the generally more benign mishaps that occur on the traffic circles and freeways of the budding metropolis. Why, oh, why, oh, why do drivers stop their cars and minibuses in the middle of oncoming traffic? In the middle of a traffic circle!? This of course not only brings the whole flow to a grinding slow pace, but also tends to create more accidents, as oncoming speeding cars come and rear end stopped vehicles. The reason? You have to wait for a traffic policeman to come and chalk down on the road the exact place of the vehicles, less the parties later lie about what happened. This fear of litigation, this mistrust, and the hiccups and loss of time and money this causes to the Ethiopian minibus are forever a spanner thrown in the works, both a waste of time and resources.

This mistrust (…) forever a spanner thrown in the works, both a waste of time and resources.

Then there is the sight that I find most endearing: that of someone making the sign of the cross from their cramped minibus seat. If the minibus is speeding past the church like a bat out of hell, they have to hurry their sign and their bowed head while trying to avoid elbowing their neighbor at the same time. Which is of course what modernity is all about – I myself, prefer to cross myself before boarding the vehicle. I can do this at leisure as there is a little more room, and it gives me a sensation of peace for the duration of the voyage. The ostentatious religiosity and the belief that belief will solve all – and avoid us  accidents – is another feature of the minibus and there is not one not to be found adorned with Orthodox icons, sourats from the Holy Quran or bathed in the Yamaha keyboard sounds of Pentecostal gospel.

 

The belief that belief will solve all – and avoid us accidents – is another feature of the minibus

 

 

The voyage itself: thrills and fears at the moment to take off

 

On the Arat Kilo Mexico route, you are more or less safe once you reach the Church of Estaphanos – the most dangerous part being the long steep slope past the Foreign Ministry ending – not literally I always hope – in the busy intersection in front of the Ministry of Trade. While sitting in front, I sometimes lean over and whisper to the driver ‘trying that take off, again, eh?’ but only in my imagination as God forbid who knows what would happen if he would lose his concentration for a second. Past the intersection, there is then a very nice bump right in front of the Jubilee Palace where, if the driver speeds enough, you can indeed think you are going to meet the Dreamliner taking off from the big billboard on Meskal Square. Wheeeeee!

Once on Meskal Square itself – after a flurry of chest crossings for Estaphanos – and in the many occurrences when the lights are not working, the driver plays chicken with other drivers who are also 18 years old and also playing chicken – in dead earnest. I would hate to be a dead chicken on Meskal Square. But already, this is just a bad memory – all the way up to Stadium, and then on to Mexico, all you risk is a bent fender, some shattered glass… But pedestrians, beware!

[But as an aside, I would add that pedestrians, if they are often the victim of drivers - a zebra crossing mostly serves drivers as a cross hairs device to better try to run them down, that pedestrians  will often cross the road at a 45 degree angle right in front of incoming traffic. There are two types of these pedestrians - both male. The first is known as the 'Minibus Torero.' This pedestrian throws a direct look at the driver, then, turning away, boldly walks across the road, daring the driver to do anything about it. The second walks out without so much a glance at the oncoming traffic - that he well knows to be there. We call this one a 'Minibus Kamikaze. '  Is it sometimes difficult to ascertain in the Ethiopian Minibus, where the line separating hubris and arrogance from healthy pride lies. What can I say? Although pedestrians are the daily victims of the minibuses, it is difficult to muster a lot of sympathy for their idiosyncratic road crossings]

 

 

Am I really suggesting that Ethiopia can be summed up in a blue minibus ride? When Ethiopians say ‘This is our culture’ looking down on a circular alveolated sourdough bread, they of course mean much less – and much more. And likewise, even if I’m saying it half in jest, I do insist: if you want to understand the innermost workings of Ethiopian society, then go spend a few birr on a taxi ride. There, in the cramped laboratory like space of a minibus, you will see all of the intricacies of society laid out, in deep play.–

I do of course mean much less than this – and much more. Ethiopia in a blue nutshell: this is our culture! ወራጅ!

 

 

In the age of television, mobile phones and the internet some words become widespread, just taking slight local color in the form of accent, or a different tone – as in the ‘Amharic’ televizjn, mobeel and Innternet ( which are English words with a local accent). Perhaps languages such as Oromo or Amharic –or Wolaitigna and Kement – should invent their own names for these modern apparatuses? In Amharic, we could have the direct translations yereket eyta –television- yemienkeskes reket dems –mobile phone- and yealem ekef merab – for internet…

Perhaps still, in a similar fashion to the French with their Académie Française, we should have an Ethiopian Academy, to legislate on all things linguistic and tell us how to speak, which words to use and which to abandon, and to pass laws making obligatory the translation of adds into local languages or give quotas for the number of foreign songs allowed on radio –just think: no more American muzac on Addis Ababa’s FM radios… what a blessing that would be!

But language protectionism rarely works. The French language can invent all the courriels in the world (a funny word that failed to replace email, made up of the name for a written letter + el as in electronics), words do what they want, how they want and with the accent of the flavor of the day, not the one taken from some official gazette. And however much I dislike latter day Anglo-Saxon pop personally, there is no escaping its dynamism. So, in the age of globalism, send them your cultural coffee and buy their original Coca~Cola is the cultural rap to which we should set our tune – a ferusela of Ambessel for a pound of Blues, in other words.

But of course, it doesn’t really work out this way: some languages hold economic and cultural sway – or just have sheer numbers for them like the dialects of Chinese – and will prevail. So, like the quaint French courriel, I don’t really think that yereket eyta, yemienkeskes reket dems and yealem ekef merab will be on anyone’s lips in Guangzhou or Berlin anytime soon, let alone Addis Ababa, but still… Anybody for an Ethiopian Academy? Please send me a ደብዳቤል (debdabel) if you are – whatever the language (Editor’s note: ደብዳቤል is a neologism proposed by the Ethiopian Acamemy for email. It is of course composed of ደብዳቤ (a letter) + the ል from electronic. Ferusela is an an old measurement of weigh worth 17 Kgs. Ambassel is a type of music).

 

 


Note: this post contains Amharic script. If you noticed boxes and squiggles you can install a free Amharic font from here to display the script correctly.

 

Why is it that we so often associate ourselves intimately with the foods we eat – or don’t? Culture is often held deep to the heart, and even more so, to the stomach. Nevertheless, foreigners are often perplexed when an Ethiopian proudly exclaims over their injera ‘This is our culture!’ as if all of the complexities of the country had come to rest, neatly, in the finely alveolated bread.

The tart after linger of injera often upsets non-Ethiopian tasting buds and the texture is alien to foreigners’ culinary norms. But tastes, like colors, as the French like to say, should not be discussed, for we are sure to disagree – on which is better, fresher or tastier. And from German sauerkraut (fermented cabbage) to the delicacy of certain worm infested cheese of France, much could be said about other people’s strange taste buds – and it is always others’ tastes who are strange, not our own.

So, really, we can recognize that if we differ in our tastes, we are similar in our concern. We like the foods we grew up with, and they are often the only ones that satisfy us –we eat less with our stomach than we do with our hearts. Deep down, we like the comfort of the foods we ate together with those we loved when growing up.

We can see this at work in the mirroring meanings of ‘companion’ and ባልንጀራ (balinjera). The first term’s etymology being to sit down and break bread together, whereas the second, Amharic one, is to partake of injera. In both languages, the words signify friendship and sitting down to eat together and mirror each other perfectly. We are friends with our fellow diners, regardless of our different tastes. Whether we break bread or tear up injera, we sit together to do so. And this, is indeed our common culture.

 

 


Note: this post contains Amharic script. If you noticed boxes and squiggles you can install a free Amharic font from here to display the script correctly.

 

Yelunta (ይሉኝታ) is a central theme in Ethiopian culture. It can be roughly summed up by the feeling of restraint coming from the fear of asking oneself ‘what will the neighbors think?’ Proper behavior conducted in a manner that will not bring shame, or cause one of the interlocutors to lose face, is always paramount. Yelunta bis (ይሉኝታ ቢስ), somebody who doesn’t feel shame, or a sense of decorum in front of his pairs, is a damning character assessment. It is an accolade to be avoided at all costs in Ethiopia. Yelunta yelowm (ይሉኝታ የለውም) which, strictly speaking, means to have no sense of propriety, translates into English as ‘unscrupulous.’

From ይሉኝታ and the fear of losing face, of acting or saying something in an inappropriate way, stems Ethiopia’s heavy reliance on the formal rituals of engagement that often bewilder foreigners. Sene magber (ሥነ ማግባር) –etiquette, or the rules of interaction- is paramount and should not be ignored – for fear that one of the interlocutors may lose face in the exchange. Nor no! (ነውር: ነው!) That is taboo! Is the expression that will often greet these unseemly acts.

This heavy reliance on ritualism is all pervading in Ethiopia, from the way you eat a traditional meal of injera and wot to the correct manner of greeting your colleagues and folding a gabi. This complex ballet often puzzles foreigners. But there is also great beauty and liberty to be found in respecting these arcane rules. To know the rules is to be able to bend them. Just stop short from being called a ይሉኝታ ቢስ!

Which is of course what I am, for bringing this subject up in such an unseemly fashion in an open forum. Never trust a foreigner to know his ሥነ ማግባር!

 


Note: this post contains Amharic script. If you noticed boxes and squiggles you can install a free Amharic font from here to display the script correctly.

 

 

The language of the birds, የወፍ ቋንቋ (yewof kwankwa), is a codified version of Amharic which makes words, sentences and conversations unintelligible to untrained listeners – even more unintelligible some might say.

How does it work? Let’s pick a simple example. ‘thank you,’ in Amharic, is አመሰግናለሁ (amasegenalehu). You take the word, sound by sound, and interweave the syllable ፍት (fet) into it, starting after the first sound, and leaving the last one uncovered. Thus, amasegenalehu becomes afetmafetsefetgefetnafetlefethu (or, አፍትመፍትሰፍትግፍትናፍትለፍትሁ).

There are those who hold that የወፍ ቋንቋ is a futile pastime for high school girls wanting to discuss boyfriends in public and that the language, if it may be called that, is nothing but a childish prank. But they are wrong. It is more than that.

There are others who hold, without the least element of proof, that የወፍ ቋንቋ was first used at the court of Emperor Zare Jacob, who believed that by so doing conversations would not be eavesdropped upon by demons. But this seems farfetched even though we do know that the same emperor had his servants tattooed with the words ‘I renounce Satan’ on their hands and wrists and made it mandatory to bear a cross on the foreheads for all of the inhabitants of the realm.

Some philologists insist that Amharic itself is a language of the birds that came to be so widespread that it superseded the original – much simpler – language. This theory holds that the Amharic we now know was invented by a monk from Waldiba. In this theory, to say ‘thank you’ in Amharic you originally said አም (am). It is only much later that the sequence ሰግናለሁ (segenalehu) was added to confuse and lead astray eavesdroppers and foreigners – and any wayfaring demons. Time passed, more and more people came to use the complex form and the simpler language was forgotten forever – the bird of simplicity had flown the nest, so to speak, leaving us with the esoterically difficult language we now have to cope with.

But these theories seem to twist the very words they are purporting to analyze, making serious study a farce and transforming the whole of Ethiopia into a secret society dedicated to an inside joke. And who could believe that?

One could say to them: ቃላትን አታጣምሙ (kalaten atat’ammu!). Don’t twist words! Or, in the language of the birds itself: ቃፍትላፍትትፍትን አፍትታፍትጣፍትምፍትሙ (kafetlafetten atfett’fetmefetmu)!

Now, try saying that quickly!

This ፍት version is just one of the languages of the birds, and the simplest – the schoolchildren’s version, for the uninitiated. The ድ and ዘ varieties – or should we say dialects? – are much more complicated, and are only practiced by certain anchorites. Mostly when praying out loud, as they do not wish outsiders to learn of their secret heterodoxies. In these languages, not only does the added letter (or better said, fidel) become interspaced between the syllables, but also takes on the vocalic order of the preceding syllable, or fidel. A matter best left to the initiate, believe me.

 

 


Note: this post contains Amharic script. If you noticed boxes and squiggles you can install a free Amharic font from here to display the script correctly.

 

On the campus of the University of Addis Ababa, lies in the old palace the excellent and informative Ethnographical Museum with its well thought out displays, and the Library of Ethiopian Studies, a place where, if it talks of Ethiopia, you should find it.

From A for Alvarez’ tales of Prester John, to Z for Zervos and his ‘Le Mirroir de l’Ethiopie Moderne,’ by way of P for Pankhurst and his innumerable monographs – some have indeed suggested that Ethiopian Studies be defined as ‘anything that Professor Pankhurst has written about or has written a preface to,’ but, surely, they cannot have been serious. And if humour was intended, it certainly remains a compliment to the man himself and the professor’s encyclopaedic knowledge of and writing upon, aethiopica. Be it as it is, in the Institute of Ethiopian Studies all Abyssinian and Ethiopian topics, however bizarre, can be unearthed.

Now, what exactly are ‘Ethiopian Studies?’ I am not quite sure, except that it must be the study of all things Ethiopian. What I do know, is that there could not possibly be a regular conference entitled ‘Burkina Faso studies,’ or indeed, a conference on ‘South African Studies.’ Peace be upon the Land of Integrity and the southern behemoth, but they just wouldn’t warrant a regular come together of scientists, researchers and writers from all over the world to discuss in any number of fields the current work on their country.

 “Some have indeed suggested that Ethiopian Studies be defined as ‘anything that Professor Pankhurst has written about or has written a preface to,’ but, surely, they cannot have been serious. And if humour was intended, it certainly remains a compliment to the man himself and the professor’s encyclopaedic knowledge of and writing upon, aethiopica.”

Could there be such a thing as English Studies, and if there were, what would they cover? – The Emergence of the English Breakfast, and The Spread of the Use of Toast in Victorian Times? French Studies should certainly not exist: it would make them even vainer than they already are.

But, as Galileo is rumored to have exclaimed upon his condemnation by the church for his cosmological work: ‘But she turns!’ -speaking of the Earth’s orbit through space, and letting it be known that eternal truths would prevail come what may. And Ethiopian Studies do most certainly exist, of that I am sure. In fact, Ethiopian Studies are so healthy that I suggest the creation of a new field of studies: The study of what constitutes or not eligibility to be a part of Ethiopian studies.

But, the truth be told, like an Englishman poking fun at the Queen – Heavens! –  I’m a great believer in Ethiopian Studies myself – whatever they may be –  and a card holder of the Society of Friends of the Institute of Ethiopian Studies.

And notice that I did use the word believer – could there be such a thing as a ‘believer in English Studies?”